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On occasion, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You feel invincible and you’re like, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are often followed by a “emotional downturn”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his actions, making him especially susceptible to disapproval from external sources. He began to think he might have NPD after looking up his traits through digital sources – and subsequently confirmed by a specialist. But, he doubts he would have taken the label if he hadn’t previously arrived at that conclusion by himself. When someone suggests to somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – particularly if they experience beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve built up. And within that framework, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

Although people have been identified with narcissism for more than a century, it’s not always clear what is meant by the term. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” says a leading researcher, who believes the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he believes many people hide it, as there is so much stigma linked to the condition. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through things like seeking admiration,” the specialist explains. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

While a significant majority of people diagnosed with NPD are males, research suggests this statistic does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the less obvious variety, which is often overlooked. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who posts about her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on digital platforms. It’s fairly common, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she shares, whenever it’s suggested that I am at fault, I tend to switch to defence mode or I withdraw entirely.” Even with this response – which is often called “narcissistic injury”, she has been trying to overcome it and accept input from her close relationships, as she strives not to return into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners as a teenager,” she states. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she explains she and her current boyfriend “have a dynamic where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, if my words are controlling, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have supportive figures in her youth. It’s been a process of understanding continuously what is acceptable versus unacceptable to say during a fight because I lacked that guidance in my formative years,” she says. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were insulting me during my childhood.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be connected with difficulties as a child. “There is a genetic component,” notes an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “tied to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he states, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was based on meeting particular demands. They then “rely on those identical strategies as adults”.

Like several of the those diagnosed, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The adult says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve academic success and professional advancement, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of loving someone, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, similar to his experience, struggles with emotional regulation. She is “very supportive of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he says – it was in fact, her who originally considered he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Following an appointment to his general practitioner, John was referred to a therapist for an assessment and was told his diagnosis. He has been referred for talking therapy on the public health system (extended treatment is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the patient queue for 18 months: The estimate was it is likely to occur maybe February or March next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he says. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are seeking help for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the diagnosis. But the existence of individuals sharing their stories and the expansion of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number